I Don't Want to Serve Anymore, by Tyler

“Often we strike the high moral distance that separates ‘us’ from ‘them,’ and yet it is God’s dream come true when we recognize that there exists no daylight between us.  Serving others is good.  It’s a start.  But it’s just the hallway that leads to the Grand Ballroom.  Kinship-not serving the other, but being one with the other.  Jesus was not ‘a man for others’; he was one with them.  There is a world of difference.”  (Gregory Boyle Tattoos on the Heart).  This is a quote from a book written by Father Gregory Boyle who has invested most of his life in being present with gang members, and giving them opportunities through employment.  We have been reading this book, me and my housemates, and it has been making me reconsider some things.

Tyler, foreground, with several housemates

I would say that I came to Hollywood to be present with those who are economically disadvantaged, and those who are struggling with homelessness.  I was very conscious of the fact that I am not here to change people, but I think there was still some aspect of me that would say that I came here to serve.  To serve those who have less than me.  Now, I read this book and I am completely rethinking the whole idea of serving.

Here is why.  The idea of service is hierarchical.  In other words, it implies that someone from a higher or advantaged position is coming down to “serve” the one in the lower ordisadvantaged position.  It does not imply two equals interacting, but two unequal people interacting.  The person on top is the one stooping down and sacrificially serving the person who is below or at a disadvantage.

This is what Jesus did isn’t it?  God sacrificially came down from Heaven in the human form to live and die with us.  God did not have to do this. God chose this.  God came to serve humanity.  This makes sense, because Jesus was God.  Jesus is and was higher than us, Jesus was superior, and we are not equal to Jesus.  So, the term serve in this context fits, it works, and is a good descriptor.  Jesus chose to come down from heaven to be with us, humanity, and we are not equal to God.

Now, here is my issue and what I have been rethinking.  All of humanity is equal, none of us are higher, better, or superior to another.  This is my understanding of God anyways.  So, how can we serve one another if we are all equal?  I guess we could if we view ourselves as equal to begin with, and then serve one another.  This would be placing ourselves below the person we are serving.  However, especially when it comes to serving those who have less money than we do, I do not think we usually think of ourselves as equal to begin with.  We in some way think we are better than them and that is why we must serve them.  This is the problem, and it needs to stop.

The problem with the mindset of service is that walls of separation never get broken down.  We can choose to hop over the wall and serve when we want, but we just jump back over and give ourselves a pat on the back when we are done.  The walls that separate those at the top from those at the bottom still exist and are not questioned.  We never fully identify with those we are serving, we never truly become one with others as Father Boyle suggests.  We get to feel really good about ourselves when we do our various acts of service, while maintaining our mindset of hierarchy.  When this happens, nothing really changes.  Our hearts are not transformed, and Heaven is not brought to earth.  We still view ourselves as the ones at the top serving those at the bottom.  We selfishly get to feel really good about the act of service that we have done, while still enjoying our advantaged position and that’s about it.  I say this is not the heart of Jesus.  This is why I think it is possible for a person to live an entire life of “service” and for true love to have never existed.

This may seem like not a very big deal, a mere play of words.  But I think it is a huge deal, because the way we internally understand what we do outwardly is a big deal.  Love cannot exist where there is hierarchy, whether that is outwardly visible or if it just exists internally.  If I am serving with a hierarchical mindset, I am only fooling myself into thinking that I am doing an act of love.  Society and the church have accepted the hierarchical mindset as normal, unfortunately neither will question the walls of enjoyed privilege that still exist in our own acts of service.

Serving others is good, and it is a start.  However, it is not the goal.  The goal is for us to be one with all humanity, because we are all humans and we are all equal.  When we serve, we still complacently enjoy our advantaged position.  When we are one with others, the situation that others face becomes our own situation.  Others problems become our own, through the power of the Holy Spirit we absorb the pain and struggles of others.  We become one, and when this happens hierarchy is destroyed and love can flourish.  The scary part of all this is that the mindset of oneness means that we will begin to ask questions that may threaten our current way of life.  When we spend time with those who are ignored by society and consciously work against hierarchy in our lives, everything will change. Everything.  We will begin to enter into the lives of others, and this will reveal our own actions and behaviors that foster and encourage the oppression of those whose lives we are now present with and deeply care for.  We will discover that in many ways the things that we enjoy directly or indirectly cause the misery of others.  This is not a fun process, but it is a true reality.  Our entertainment, our jobs, our families, our safety, our dreams, our hopes, our money, our spending habits, and how we spend our free time are all potentially the cause of someone else’s misery.  When we seek to rid our lives of hierarchy and become one with those who are rejected and ignored, we must be ready and prepared to change our relationship with every area of our lives.  Again, this is scary, but it is the Gospel.  God will be with us, and God will give us new joys and passions, don’t worry.

So, I am proposing the term service and the hierarchical baggage that come with it be eliminated from our vocabulary, our hearts, and our minds.  As I have been thinking about this, the question, “Ok, so then what do we do?” comes to mind.  Father Boyle uses the term kinship, I have also heard the word partnership or partnering used.  Both of these words help us enact a vision where we are all equals.  They help us to not view ourselves as higher or better than anybody else.  The idea of just being present with people, simply because that is what Jesus would do.  I would also like to suggest that maybe there is no replacement word for service, because those things are simply the acts that Jesus would do, that’s it.  This would help us to not become prideful or attached to a certain idea that we can use to label and announce our generous and compassionate acts.

I think it is dangerous and easy for our egos to get inflated when we engage in acts of service.  Especially if we are white, middle class Americans serving those who have less money or who may be of a different race.  I think the reason this is easy is because we think of ourselves as better, and we are so proud of ourselves when we at least for a moment give up our “higher” status to serve those with “lower” status.  If we are equals though, it helps us to just act as Jesus wants us to without having some special name for our out of the ordinary generous acts.

This quote from an Australian Aboriginal Group kind of sums up what I am trying to say, “If you have come to help (or serve) me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”

We are not to help one another, or serve one another.  We are to work together, partner with each other, and just be together following the Way of Jesus.  We do these things for no other reason than simply because that is what Jesus did, and we seek to be faithful and emulate the life Jesus lived.

I have recently been writing a lot about what goes on in our minds and hearts, as opposed to our actual actions.  The reason I think this is so important is because our heart and mind directly affect our actions.  They are the gateway into truly loving others, and they can also block love from even being possible.  The unfortunate thing is that we can participate in many various acts of “service”, and have love never exist because hierarchy still reigns in our hearts, minds, and lives.

May we seek to live like Christ, and work to break down the walls of hierarchy that separate and blind us from each other.  May we recognize that this must take place in our hearts and minds before it can truly happen in our actions, and may we be honest enough with ourselves to recognize when our own lifestyle and behaviors cause or do nothing to stop the misery of others.