Since ending my year in Hollywood, I’ve been struggling to come to grips with “regular life.” I’ve learned this: I don’t really like “regular” that much. I sought out the challenge of moving to California to become part of an intentional Christian community in an effort to explore a different way of life. I fell in love with what I found there. It wasn’t the city or the excitement or the glamour of Hollywood. I fell in love with simpler life. I fell in love with a more communal way of living. I fell in love with work that put me in contact with hurting people every day. It wasn’t perfect. But for the first time in my life–even on the toughest days–I felt like I was exactly where God wanted me to be doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing.
I don’t feel like that anymore. Here, as I begin regular life again after a completely un-regular year, I feel sort of lonely, a little purposeless, and kind of sad. As I settle into a life of hanging out with friends, going to the gym, taking part in church activities…I’m overcome with a profound sense of “missing the boat.” Don’t get me wrong–I love being close to old friends again and beginning new friendships. I treasure those relationships.
I just can’t shake the feeling of discontent. It plagued me through college, and it haunts me now. I’m trying to figure out what it would look like to bring LA here–to rediscover the “New Normal” I wrote about here (http://alaynahyde.wordpress.com/2011/06/23/the-new-normal/) .
What do I miss most? What elements of that life made it so purposeful? What changes can I make to my new life here to find the same kind of fulfillment?
