Radio Silence, by Jenn

At orientation we went through a big hullabaloo about if you write negative things on your blog, they can take on a mind of their own and all of the sudden saying that there is smog in LA turns into there are aliens living at the Hollywood sign and they are taking over the world.  Hmmm…sounds like a new MOVIE idea!!!  But you know what I am saying.  The last few weeks have been super challenging and I think it would be fair for me to say that there have been more reasons to be angry/negative than happy/positive…so that would be the reason for the radio silence.  I was being overly cautious about posting my true feelings and impressions.  

So what happened?  God spoke…well, he spoke with humans at least.  Many of you know that I adore my church at home…shout out to Clemmons Presbyterian Church, but one of the things that has been a wonderful surprise has been the sermons at First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood.  (www.fpch.org) FPCH is the sponsoring congregation for the YAV program and had maintained an urban ministry called the Hollywood Urban Project for a long time before the transition. The current pastor, Dan Baumgartner, has been at the church for about a year.  There is no rule that says you must attend a Presbyterian church, but I really enjoy traditional services and the organist is amazing at FPCH so I figured I would start with their 9:30am traditional service.  FPCH puts a single lined sheet in their bulletin that is titled “sermon notes,” and I figured that my first item to do as an “adult” was to take notes on the sermon.  Imagine my surprise when THE FIRST sermon that Pastor Dan preached when we got to Hollywood on September 4th was on Colossians 3:15-17

Let the peace of Christ rule in your heats, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

This sermon was all about the work that we do.  I left a position as an Accountant for Beco Inc. to come to Hollywood this year.  It was an incredibly difficult decision to make, it left them in a bind, but they were all very supportive of this journey in spite of that!  

Pastor Dan posed 3 dead ends in our mission to glorify God with our work.

1.  If we see our work separate from the rest of life.

2.  If we “put up” with work.  ”Sometimes I do what I want, and sometimes I do what I have to do.”

3.  If we look for our work to develop our identity.

I’m not really going to break those down at the moment, but what was truly moving was that MY FIRST worship experience in Hollywood was all about WORK!  Something I was all too familiar with.  Pastor Dan then posed three questions that we should all ask ourselves about our work:

1.  Are we doing good work? (Meaning are we serving others with our labor)

2.  What type of work are you doing?

3.  Who are you working with?

Once again, I’m not really going to break these down except to say that all work, as long as it is to the Glory of God, is worthy work.  Those who are teachers are not “better people” than bankers or accountants just because their work is in direct service to young people.  (Although I am grateful to all of  my teachers, including my friends and family that are currently teachers)  My point is that, ALL work comes from God and it is only through his Glory that we will excel at it.  

This post has in no way shape or form addressed my earlier comments about the struggles I have had since being in Hollywood, but I have been wanting to talk about this sermon for weeks.  I miss my family that is Clemmons Presbyterian Church and there have been a ton of sermons that Rev. Hoyle has preached in the last 4 years that have moved me to action, including one that got me to Hollywood, but I just want to thank God for bringing me FPCH and acknowledge that when I STAY for the 11am contemporary service it is because God is speaking through that church and saying the things I need to hear.

Jennifer

I Don't Want to Serve Anymore, by Tyler

“Often we strike the high moral distance that separates ‘us’ from ‘them,’ and yet it is God’s dream come true when we recognize that there exists no daylight between us.  Serving others is good.  It’s a start.  But it’s just the hallway that leads to the Grand Ballroom.  Kinship-not serving the other, but being one with the other.  Jesus was not ‘a man for others’; he was one with them.  There is a world of difference.”  (Gregory Boyle Tattoos on the Heart).  This is a quote from a book written by Father Gregory Boyle who has invested most of his life in being present with gang members, and giving them opportunities through employment.  We have been reading this book, me and my housemates, and it has been making me reconsider some things.

Tyler, foreground, with several housemates

I would say that I came to Hollywood to be present with those who are economically disadvantaged, and those who are struggling with homelessness.  I was very conscious of the fact that I am not here to change people, but I think there was still some aspect of me that would say that I came here to serve.  To serve those who have less than me.  Now, I read this book and I am completely rethinking the whole idea of serving.

Here is why.  The idea of service is hierarchical.  In other words, it implies that someone from a higher or advantaged position is coming down to “serve” the one in the lower ordisadvantaged position.  It does not imply two equals interacting, but two unequal people interacting.  The person on top is the one stooping down and sacrificially serving the person who is below or at a disadvantage.

This is what Jesus did isn’t it?  God sacrificially came down from Heaven in the human form to live and die with us.  God did not have to do this. God chose this.  God came to serve humanity.  This makes sense, because Jesus was God.  Jesus is and was higher than us, Jesus was superior, and we are not equal to Jesus.  So, the term serve in this context fits, it works, and is a good descriptor.  Jesus chose to come down from heaven to be with us, humanity, and we are not equal to God.

Now, here is my issue and what I have been rethinking.  All of humanity is equal, none of us are higher, better, or superior to another.  This is my understanding of God anyways.  So, how can we serve one another if we are all equal?  I guess we could if we view ourselves as equal to begin with, and then serve one another.  This would be placing ourselves below the person we are serving.  However, especially when it comes to serving those who have less money than we do, I do not think we usually think of ourselves as equal to begin with.  We in some way think we are better than them and that is why we must serve them.  This is the problem, and it needs to stop.

The problem with the mindset of service is that walls of separation never get broken down.  We can choose to hop over the wall and serve when we want, but we just jump back over and give ourselves a pat on the back when we are done.  The walls that separate those at the top from those at the bottom still exist and are not questioned.  We never fully identify with those we are serving, we never truly become one with others as Father Boyle suggests.  We get to feel really good about ourselves when we do our various acts of service, while maintaining our mindset of hierarchy.  When this happens, nothing really changes.  Our hearts are not transformed, and Heaven is not brought to earth.  We still view ourselves as the ones at the top serving those at the bottom.  We selfishly get to feel really good about the act of service that we have done, while still enjoying our advantaged position and that’s about it.  I say this is not the heart of Jesus.  This is why I think it is possible for a person to live an entire life of “service” and for true love to have never existed.

This may seem like not a very big deal, a mere play of words.  But I think it is a huge deal, because the way we internally understand what we do outwardly is a big deal.  Love cannot exist where there is hierarchy, whether that is outwardly visible or if it just exists internally.  If I am serving with a hierarchical mindset, I am only fooling myself into thinking that I am doing an act of love.  Society and the church have accepted the hierarchical mindset as normal, unfortunately neither will question the walls of enjoyed privilege that still exist in our own acts of service.

Serving others is good, and it is a start.  However, it is not the goal.  The goal is for us to be one with all humanity, because we are all humans and we are all equal.  When we serve, we still complacently enjoy our advantaged position.  When we are one with others, the situation that others face becomes our own situation.  Others problems become our own, through the power of the Holy Spirit we absorb the pain and struggles of others.  We become one, and when this happens hierarchy is destroyed and love can flourish.  The scary part of all this is that the mindset of oneness means that we will begin to ask questions that may threaten our current way of life.  When we spend time with those who are ignored by society and consciously work against hierarchy in our lives, everything will change. Everything.  We will begin to enter into the lives of others, and this will reveal our own actions and behaviors that foster and encourage the oppression of those whose lives we are now present with and deeply care for.  We will discover that in many ways the things that we enjoy directly or indirectly cause the misery of others.  This is not a fun process, but it is a true reality.  Our entertainment, our jobs, our families, our safety, our dreams, our hopes, our money, our spending habits, and how we spend our free time are all potentially the cause of someone else’s misery.  When we seek to rid our lives of hierarchy and become one with those who are rejected and ignored, we must be ready and prepared to change our relationship with every area of our lives.  Again, this is scary, but it is the Gospel.  God will be with us, and God will give us new joys and passions, don’t worry.

So, I am proposing the term service and the hierarchical baggage that come with it be eliminated from our vocabulary, our hearts, and our minds.  As I have been thinking about this, the question, “Ok, so then what do we do?” comes to mind.  Father Boyle uses the term kinship, I have also heard the word partnership or partnering used.  Both of these words help us enact a vision where we are all equals.  They help us to not view ourselves as higher or better than anybody else.  The idea of just being present with people, simply because that is what Jesus would do.  I would also like to suggest that maybe there is no replacement word for service, because those things are simply the acts that Jesus would do, that’s it.  This would help us to not become prideful or attached to a certain idea that we can use to label and announce our generous and compassionate acts.

I think it is dangerous and easy for our egos to get inflated when we engage in acts of service.  Especially if we are white, middle class Americans serving those who have less money or who may be of a different race.  I think the reason this is easy is because we think of ourselves as better, and we are so proud of ourselves when we at least for a moment give up our “higher” status to serve those with “lower” status.  If we are equals though, it helps us to just act as Jesus wants us to without having some special name for our out of the ordinary generous acts.

This quote from an Australian Aboriginal Group kind of sums up what I am trying to say, “If you have come to help (or serve) me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”

We are not to help one another, or serve one another.  We are to work together, partner with each other, and just be together following the Way of Jesus.  We do these things for no other reason than simply because that is what Jesus did, and we seek to be faithful and emulate the life Jesus lived.

I have recently been writing a lot about what goes on in our minds and hearts, as opposed to our actual actions.  The reason I think this is so important is because our heart and mind directly affect our actions.  They are the gateway into truly loving others, and they can also block love from even being possible.  The unfortunate thing is that we can participate in many various acts of “service”, and have love never exist because hierarchy still reigns in our hearts, minds, and lives.

May we seek to live like Christ, and work to break down the walls of hierarchy that separate and blind us from each other.  May we recognize that this must take place in our hearts and minds before it can truly happen in our actions, and may we be honest enough with ourselves to recognize when our own lifestyle and behaviors cause or do nothing to stop the misery of others.

Dear ben adam, What Are You Doing?

Now that I finally finished my series on the bike trip, I think I need to write a brief post on where I am and what I am doing. For years, I said I would never end up in Los Angeles. Now, I live in the lecherous heart of a city defined by people who wear masks for a living. I have been in Hollywood for a month and a half, and already, I see Hollywood’s exported self-image for what it is: a facade. Los Angeles lays claim to the largest population of people living on the streets in the country. Hollywood’s international fame is not immune to the presence of folks without houses. For as many names of dead, living, and fictional celebrities imprinted into stars in the sidewalks, there is an equivalent amount of people living on these same walkways. Furthermore, making the gentrification complete, the average annual income of the people living in my neighborhood is $27,000. They make up the servant class to the opulent movie industry. They clean the studios and homes of those who work in them. Within their poverty, drugs and gangs rose to direct this community. What am I doing here? Right now, not enough.

I live in a Christian intentional community house. The name of the program organizing

From Left to Right: Papo, Jenn, Britney, Nathan, Eva, Tyler, Matthew (the City Director), his daughter, and me

this house is DOOR (Discovering Opportunities for Outreach and Reflection). On Monday mornings, my housemates and I awake to clean the whole house. We proceed to the grocery store to buy our food for the week. Mondays are Community Days. We work together to accomplish the tasks necessary for maintaining the well-being of our community. We take time out of our day to connect. Prayer, discussion, book study, and open, honest reflection about our time here come on Mondays when we gather with our City Director Matthew Schmitt. These days mean a lot to me. I love them because I love my housemates, even though I might not tell them enough. Additionally, these days possess the messiness of life in a concentrated way. Community Days hold the greatest potential for Love and conflict. We cannot run from each other on these days. Our vulnerability exposes and opens us; our need for cooperation grinds us against each other. Beautiful.

Tuesday through Friday, I arrive at Social Services of Blessed Sacrament at 6:30 a.m. to work in the drop-in center there. At Blessed Sac, we provide numerous different services. Most days, we serve breakfast and lunch. We provide showers, clothes, a nurse, haircuts, and AA meetings depending on the day. People trying to get into a transitional shelter need sheets of paper called “Homeless Verifications”, and we offer those. Folks come to us to receive reduced-fee vouchers for IDs and bus tokens to get to there appointments. If they miss lunch, they can get a sack lunch. Our ultimate goal is to end homelessness in Hollywood. Consequently, we provide case management in order to help people locate and secure housing. Basically, work at Blessed Sac is the best part of my week. I wake up wanting to go to work. I miss it over the weekend. For some time, I felt called toward social work, toward working with the people shoved off the sidewalks after they have been evicted from their homes. I flirted with pastoral ministry, but every time the opportunity arose, something prevented me from entering ministry. This work showed me why. This is where I belong. As I write, my life feels consumed with Love thanks to working with those who come into the center. Beautiful.

At least one day a week, I help prepare dinner for my whole house. This experience may be one of the greatest reasons for living in intentional community. Preparing food for others shows Love in a powerful way. When I lived on my own, getting motivated to cook healthy, delicious food proved nearly impossible. Of course, when I only have to cook once a week, it enables me to put more effort and thought into that meal. This means every meal comes out tasting great. We eat like kings! Beautiful.

After I come home from work, I help run a community center out of our house two days a week. We essentially live in three houses. The front house functions as a community center while we do all the living in the back two houses. Out of that community center, we open three days a week to provide a safe place for kids in the neighborhood to meet, get help with their homework, play games, learn new skills, build relationships, feel loved, and just have fun. So far, this piece of my life is jumbled. Very little continuity carries over from one year of volunteers to the next. Therefore, we recreate this entire part of our communal life each year. This amazing opportunity grants us the ability to be caring adults in the lives of kids. Whether youth have loving families or not, the approval and encouragement from young adults can mean more than anyone may ever know. I find this part of my life both exciting and fulfilling. Beautiful.

Well, now you know what I am doing. This is my life for now. I hope it continues to grow and evolve as I do. It is proving very fulfilling, to say the least. I hope you call, e-mail, or visit me while I am here. Moreover, I hope you turn to your own community and imagine how you can make your life more intentionally geared toward building relationships with those around you. Look to be in solidarity with the ignored and shoved aside. Love with reckless abandon. Create a world that is beautiful.